Jaded
by JolinarJackson
Summary: "We have a list of what to do to help these people and when everything fails, we give up on them. It's routine. Giving up on them is routine."


**Jaded**

_Word Count: _875

_Summary: _"We have a list of what to do to help these people and when everything fails, we give up on them. It's routine. Giving up on them is routine."

_Characters: _Rodney McKay, Carson Beckett

_Rating:_ PG_  
__Author's Note: _Written for Round 1 of the stargate_las. The prompt was _Routines_.

_Feedback:_ Can't breathe without it.

_Disclaimer: _I'm not making money with this fanfic. The tv-show Stargate Atlantis and the characters appearing within it belong to their producers and creators. Any similarities to living or dead persons are purely coincidental and not intended.

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"Routine," Rodney said, turning away from Carson who seemed hurt by that word.

When Carson didn't join him and the team for lunch and Rodney couldn't find him in quarters or the infirmary, the scientist realized that, maybe, he'd destroyed the young friendship with the Scotsman beyond repair – with just one word.

XXX

It was Evan Lorne who told Rodney where to find Carson. It was late in the evening and the city's lights were illuminating the pier. It was cold, a chilly wind ruffling Rodney's hair, and he was tempted to leave Carson alone until he would come back inside to his comfortably warm quarters. But he'd already walked all the way out here to the end of the pier – quite a distance from the city – and he wouldn't turn back now. Carson was sitting, his legs dangling over the edge, watching the ocean.

"You know," Rodney said and sat down beside him, "I spent the afternoon looking for you. You could have answered my calls."

Carson pulled his earpiece from his pocket and put it on the ground between them.

"Well, no wonder you didn't hear me." He sighed. "Or anyone else for that matter."

"No one called me," Carson answered. "I took the afternoon off and my staff is capable to work without me for a few hours." The city's lights cut shadows across his face when he turned his head to look at Rodney. "What are you doing here?"

Rodney shrugged.

"You know … taking a walk."

"A walk," Carson echoed. "You?"

"Yes," Rodney answered, irritated. "I take walks. I love walking. It's … you know … walking."

Carson smiled and shook his head.

"So …," Rodney said. "What are you doing here?"

Carson shrugged.

"Thinking."

"What about?"

"Leaving."

Rodney swallowed. This conversation wasn't about science, making it difficult for him to handle. He was an emotional cripple, sometimes. His sister was right.

"Why?"

"Routine," Carson answered and what the hell was that supposed to mean? Rodney had no idea. He just knew that he liked Carson. He was a fun guy to have a round, he wasn't intimidated by Rodney's mood swings, he was smart and reliable. He was the closest thing to a best friend Rodney had ever had. He had to make things right between them even though he didn't have a clue as to why things weren't right.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Carson looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"What for?"

Damn it!

"For … being … for …" Rodney gestured towards the ocean. Carson seemed to be confused.

Rodney couldn't blame him.

"I don't know," he admitted. "It's just that we were talking earlier and I said something and then you were suddenly gone. I don't know what I did wrong but I'm sorry for doing it."

Carson laughed.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Rodney. Where did you get that idea?"

Rodney frowned.

"You're hiding out here."

"Because I'm a bit depressed. Nothing new there."

"Depressed? You?"

Carson was never depressed or sad or angry.

"Do you remember what we were talking about earlier?" Carson asked.

Rodney nodded.

"The resettlement of the Jablians."

Carson nodded.

"They don't want to leave their planet, Rodney. The Wraith are heading straight for their world and we can't get them to leave."

"I don't see the problem," Rodney said.

"Colonel Sheppard gave up today. Elizabeth gave up. They said goodbye and left that planet that will be culled within the next thirty-six hours. Children, men and women – all of them dead."

"We did everything we could, Carson. We talked to them, explained to them what would happen, they wouldn't listen. They don't want to leave their home behind."

"I know. I just … when we were talking about it earlier you said the exact same thing."

"Yes," Rodney said, "it's routine, you know. We can only do that much."

"It's routine," Carson repeated. "We have a list of what to do to help these people and when everything fails, we give up on them. It's routine. Giving up on them is routine." He sighed. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

Rodney gripped the edge of the pier and leaned forward to stare down into the dark water. He didn't know what to say to that.

"Don't you feel … jaded?" Carson asked.

"Jaded?"

"To everything. We came here, set up camp and we were so in awe … that changed. It's an everyday job."

Rodney nodded.

"You're right," he said, "but there's nothing we can do about that."

Carson nodded sadly.

"Aye."

They shared a few minutes of silence, before Rodney asked, "So … you're not mad at me?"

"No," Carson smiled. "Why would I be?"

Rodney shrugged. Carson took a deep breath.

"It's beautiful out here."

"Yeah," Rodney answered.

"We could come here more often," Carson suggested.

"That's a good idea actually," Rodney said. "Our very own routine."

END

09/10


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